Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
