oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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