You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
