She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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