he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
