Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
