Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
