so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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