my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
are you so shy because you have an std?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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