you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
