Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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