I bet he comes in French.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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