Your tits are I can't wait for
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
