So drunk its hurt
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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