M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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