Moan for me like Helen Keller
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Pants are for mortals
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
