The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
3pm strippers are depressing
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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