I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
