I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
