I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
