you will always have a special place in my vag
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
