We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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