Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
