Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
