i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
