eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
