You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
