How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
