I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
sex in a hospital.. check
i now understand why vodka
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
