On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
