I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am available for nakedness
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