If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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