Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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