you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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