I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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