I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
