He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
