His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
