I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
