I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
