Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
