At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In other news, I just burned my penis
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
