I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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