i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
