So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
