i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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