Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
