wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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