During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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