i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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